Sociology and The Lemon Bar

Yesterday there was a recipe for lemon bars in the New York Times. Anyone who knows me fairly well knows how much I love lemon bars. I am always trying to find new recipes to make them just right. They are my first choice in a bakery. It is not easy to get the crust perfect and the filling balanced between sweet and sour. The perfect lemon bar is very elusive and a work of poetic art.

Several people saw this article and messaged me about it yesterday. What struck me was the thought involved. That someone would see this, think of me and act on it by sending me the link. The more technologically-challenged just let me know about the article, leaving me to look it up because they don’t know how to send a link.

This simple act of selflessness often goes unnoticed. Something as little as tagging someone in a Facebook post or messaging about an article shows the bright side of social media. It is making a connection between people in a very intimate way. Even if only for brief moment. This is being the seer, not the seen. This is a more subtle act that goes deeper. It shows how much this person knows you and doesn’t want you to miss out. Social media is notorious for self absorption; showing others how much fun you are having. That public display is suspect to me anyway (“Doth protest too much”).

So next time you see something that makes you think of someone – pay to forward. Don’t assume they’ve seen the article. Pass it on and let someone know you’re thinking of them. For real.

THE WEEKEND IS HERE

A rainy cold weekend is forecast for us but remember, there is no bad weather, only bad gear!

Some weekend reading/watching suggestions:

Are Men With Beards More Desirable?

The many reasons that people are having less sex

Isdal Woman: The mystery death haunting Norway for 46 years and ‘Major breakthrough’ in Norway’s 46-year-old Isdal women mystery

Is an Open Marriage a Happier Marriage?

I’ve been loving Shetland, a BBC crime drama set in the Scottish islands. The wild, scraggly coast, the eccentric people…it’s a fascinating series. Some call it Celtic Noir. You’ll want to go there.

Louis C.K. 2017 is on Netflix. He’s looking more dapper these days and is as funny as ever. Tackles everything controversial.

What are you up to?

 

The Winter Spring Romance

Joie De Vivre!

When I heard about the triumph of France’s new president Emmanuel Macron I was thrilled, because while I know very little about French politics, one thing I knew was that I did not want Le Pen. Then I set out to learn more about Macron and I was struck by the obsession with his marriage. “Their love story fascinates many people and makes others dream,” stated Laurence Pieau in French Closer magazine. The Winter-Spring romance aka the May-December romance needs further investigation.
Those expressions refer to couples with large age discrepancies. One is in their prime the spring, May, fresh and new. The other is winter, December, withering and closer to the end than the beginning. When these relationships involve an older man and a younger woman everyone nods and thinks that makes sense. Why is it so different when the woman is the older one?
Macron’s marriage is one such union. They met when he was 15 and she was a 39-year-old married woman, his drama teacher. He was totally smitten. His parents tried to separate them by sending him away to Paris but their love was stronger than any ban and they got married in 2007. Today he is 39 and Brigitte is 64. He is the President-elect of France. Brigitte is actively involved as a partner, not eye-candy. They are equals in this venture. She is neither a trophy wife nor a surrogate mother figure.
There are so many things I love about this story. How this man waited, did not compromise and pursued the woman of his dreams. How she married her man, after first presenting this lovingly to her children. This love affair brings the invisible woman out into the open. I can’t believe this is such a big deal in this day and age. I agree with Macron who says misogyny is driving the public’s fascination with his older partner. This relationship opens us up to the far flung possibilities of romantic relationships. It is the absence of typical roles, true partnership, genuine respect and a big fuck you to those who think age is bad.
This is the most refreshing news I’ve heard in a long time. This story has it all – passion, forbidden fruit, love, power, money, success and a new dawn for France and all fans of older women.

Don’t Give Up on Sex

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs was first published in 1943. He based his research on observations of rhesus monkeys at the University of Wisconsin. He established that the most basic physiological needs are the solid platform from which one can reach higher goals. Without satisfying basic needs of food, drink, sex, air and sleep, we are unable to move towards self actualization. This does not change as we age. 

As a psychiatrist, I have noted that while we take care of eating and drinking pretty well, sex is often given up, relegated to the young. Relationships are in mayhem because of it. One partner may need it to feel safe and secure, while the other feels like if it never happens for the rest of life, that would be just fine. 

I would like to make a case for the fact that giving up on a sex life- in whatever form you see it- is not a wise option, especially as we age. I’m focusing on the medicine side of Love + Medicine in this post. Putting on my white coat.

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