MOMENTUM

Momentum is everything.

Most of my readers know how much I love football. During the recent playoffs, I don’t know how many times I said/texted/tweeted the word “momentum”, but it was a lot. That sense that the team with the momentum is unstoppable, fueled by the roars from the fans in the stands. With positive momentum, the magic happens.

Momentum is a term from physics. It refers to the quantity of motion that an object has. Objects at rest do not have momentum.

Momentum runs high at the start of a romantic relationship. It is fun, playful and carefree. Both of you are reflecting over-idealized versions of each other so powerful that instincts of hunger and thirst are ignored. You believe you could live with this person in a tent until the end of time. Spending glorious days in bed in a delirious state makes it easy to ignore the tedious responsibilities of reality.

While society prioritizes this phase, the challenges of long-term relationships leave us wondering: is that all there is? The little quirks you loved at the start are now the most annoying. The two of you need to make grown-up decisions, face health and financial concerns, and cope with the drudgery of everyday life. Staying in bed all day is no longer an option and, if given the choice, many would rather be in bed alone.

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Has longevity made long-term relationships a mathematical impossibility? Are relationships designed for planned obsolescence?

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Don’t think I’m down on long-term relationships. They have great value. We just need to learn how to make them more fun.

Think about it: What made it so compelling in the beginning?

The criteria that made you an attractive mate remain the same 20, 30, and 40 years later. We do not lose our desire for adventure, spontaneity and passion. Within the context of a decades-old relationship these seem impossible. So we either accept this as is, or blame our partner or complain.

Why bother with this challenge if you have a partner and no plans to leave?

Why bother? Because not only can it save a marriage, it can enhance your life journey and lead to happier aging.

For this to happen, focus needs to shift to ourselves. It’s not about fixing the relationship. Paradoxically, stronger individuality is the catalyst for momentum.

With a long term relationship, you have the basics down. Food, protection, sleep, sex, security. As a team you navigate the tasks of raising a family, aging parents, health scares and mortgages. It feels cosy, like an old shoe.

Once the basics are stable, humans have the remarkable adaptive ability to move beyond to create music, art and literature. The key to momentum is keeping things moving.

This means men and women must be comfortable with changing it up, even in mini ways. Try out a new exercise and talk about it. I find just listening to music changes me. Recognize culinary ruts. Spend time on your own. Talk to wise elders and share stories. Consider role playing in bed. Bring more to the table. Keep the focus on yourself, not your partner.

With positive momentum we are unstoppable. At any age.

Imagine all the benefits of the stable relationship with a sprinkling of fantasy dust!

HAPPY NEW YEAR💜

loveandmedicine.com has had a great year. In case you may have missed something, here are all of the posts from 2019.

Read and reread! This year I’d love to see more comments and dialog.

ASK DR. ANNIE K. is open 24/7 and is 100% anonymous.

I know there is a lot of crap out there to read. There is an epidemic of pseudo-science and medical BS being read by millions. Would you go to a plumber to fix your teeth? Don’t go to a celebrity for medical advice. I’m guilty of it too – remember when I bought Sex Dust? That was the old me 😉. Let’s not do that. In this blog you will find facts, not fads. I do my homework.

If you are curious, the most popular post this year was How Hard Can It Be? Understanding Erectile Dysfunction. A sign I need to focus more on sex and sexual dysfunction.

Most importantly, my readers, continue to be smart and skeptical. Stay strong and open to change. Kick-ass this decade! Remember:

“It’s the small habits. How you spend your mornings. How you talk to yourself. What you read. What you watch. Who you share your energy with. Who has access to you. That will change your life.”

Anne Koplin, Author of Love and Medicine

ASK DR. ANNIE K

Post Menopause
Legitimizing Mental Illness
Breaking the Cycle
Ovulation
Pain
B12 Injections
How Mental Health Can Affect Relationships

SEX
Magic Dust and Artichokes
Understanding Sexual Dysfunction
The Lifeguard

LIFE
The Best Weekend of the Year
Hello June
Celebrate Independence
Eat A Peach
Mercury Retrograde and What Does It Have to Do With You
Hula Hoops
Friday the 13th
7 Fool Proof Tips for Fall
The Weekend
Have a Peaceful Weekend

HEALTH
Sugar, Sugar
Stopping Antidepressants
The Secret Killer in Your DNA
Self-Love

FAMILY
Intercontinental Parenting
Am I the Only One Who Thought The Marriage Story was Lousy?
How To Throw a Great Wedding
The Way to a Man’s Heart
I’m Changing My Name Again and Here’s Why
Yes, Look Back

POETRY

Inspiration

7 FOOLPROOF TIPS FOR FALL 2019

The days are shorter, the temperatures are dropping. This is a time of transition both mentally and physically. Some love it, others are less enthusiastic. Here are some tips to help all of us stay present in the moment and accept the changes in this astounding universe. Let’s start with the one everyone loves to hate…

1.Get a flu shot. Get a flu shot. Get a flu shot. I know, you’ve heard me say this before but I need to repeat. The flu makes you feel totally miserable. It can also kill you. Millennials, are you listening? If you want to hang out with the most interesting people on the planet like older adults, babies, sick people and pregnant women you better get the shot. There are no medically proven dangers. Don’t listen to the pseudoscience fear-mongers.

2. Start a Vitamin D supplement. Even if you are outside a lot, you are too covered up to absorb the rays of the sun. Low vitamin D is linked to seasonal affective disorder, muscle and bone loss and Type 2 diabetes. Starting in October, I take 5000 IU’s of D3 based on my doctor’s recommendation after a blood test.

3. Invest in cold weather gear. This does not have to be expensive – I got a packable down jackets from Costco- but go for quality. And they should look good. You want to be able to hike and then meet a friend for dinner and look as classy as ever without going home to change. Remember there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad gear!

4. Work on your mindset. Your body is highly adaptable, it’s your mind that is less flexible. The obsession with the weather here in Wisconsin is absolutely insane. If you expect five miserable cold months, that is exactly what you will get. Get psyched for cozy clothing, hot fires, and winter sports. Embrace the lovely quiet and stillness of the winter. Read and write more.

5. Work out at home. There are times when you just won’t be up for getting dressed and driving to the gym. That’s ok! This is an opportunity to get out of your exercise rut and try something different. Believe it or not, I’ve started hula hooping again. Hula hooped through halftime of last nights football game! Many of my readers are fans of Adriene. She has easy to follow yoga videos for all levels. The enviable Michelle Obama reveals her workout secrets in this article. Then there is RBG’s workout for the rest of us.

6. Ignore the carbohydrate cravings. They can be overwhelming. Start with a protein rich breakfast – avocado, cottage cheese, eggs, nuts. Winter vegetables are particularly rich in antioxidants and color. Squash, leeks, garlic, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, pumpkin and kale are filling when simply prepared and delicately seasoned. My homegrown cauliflower plants are just starting to bloom. Salmon and other fatty fish remain essential for the gut and skin. Hydration is harder to maintain but should be a habit by now.

7. Laughter, friends and healthy sex are the most festive ways to raise those serotonin and dopamine levels. This is a Love and Medicine four- season recommendation 💜.

Ask Dr. Annie K.: Pain

I’m 22 years old and haven’t had sex yet. I’ve had close encounters, but every time I try I experience a lot of pain. Actually any sort of penetration brings severe pain and discomfort (tampons, fingers etc). i’ve had a basic exam from my gynecologist who reports everything is healthy and normal down there. What can I do to finally have an enjoyable sex life?

Over 75% of women experience pain from vaginal penetration at some point in their lives. You are not alone. 12% have severe pain the first time having intercourse. Many women will benefit from you asking about this very important (and painful) topic. Thank you for not being afraid to ask – Dr. Annie K is here for you.

What you are describing is called primary dyspareunia, a.k.a. painful penetration. From your gynecologic exam (which I bet was painful) it sounds like there was nothing visible externally that would indicate an infection or some kind of skin problem.

So what could it be and what to do? When it comes to painful sex, it is never “all in your head.” There is always a cause.

When I hear women talk about pain from inserting a tampon or finger as you describe, my first thought is vaginismus. Vaginismus is is considered a vagina in panic. There is an involuntary tightening of the muscles around the vagina, usually in response to penetration, or even from expecting penetration. Some women describe it as a ripping feeling or a sharp burning pressure that can last for hours or days. Anxiety is common along with frustration.

Although it may sound unusual, the first treatment recommendation is physical therapy. There are therapists specifically trained in pelvic floor anatomy. The entrance to the vagina is through pelvic floor muscles – there is no way around them! The treatment has a very high success rate in women like you who are highly motivated.

When talking sex let’s not forget the basics.

When the time comes, be sure you are with a partner you feel close to. Communication with your partner can be a game changer when a women has pain. This is a medical problem – you are working on it and sex is a priority. This may even bring you closer as a couple.

Technique is important. Allow for adequate foreplay – that part is fun! Most women achieve orgasm by stimulation of the clitoris, not penetration. No medical therapy can make up for a sexual partner who doesn’t like to play.

Lubrication can help many women who have pain with sex. Inadequate lubrication happens. It is ok to use K-Y jelly or go natural and use organic coconut oil or saliva.

Women who have experienced trauma may have painful sex as it may trigger PTSD. Work with a therapist is crucial in solving those issues and being able to move on to have a fulfilling sex life.

Whatever your age, when you have sexual pain, it can affect your self-esteem. Know that it is treatable but may take time. Start with finding the right physical therapist.

Unfortunately the first time is rarely like it looks in the movies. But it gets better! You are on your way to a healthy sex life.

Sugar, sugar

Ask Dr. Annie K:

Why do I always crave something sweet after a big meal? Even if I ate enough and I feel full it seems like there’s room for a little dessert. Is there a medical explanation for this?

“Would you like to take a look at the dessert menu?”

Someone invariably in the group says yes.

It all goes back to the primal connection between our brain and our gut – why we refer to the gut as the “Second Brain”.

We could blame it all on ghrelin . Ghrelin is known as the “hunger hormone” which is produced in the gastrointestinal tract and brain. It stimulates the appetite and signals the brain to eat. New studies show that it can keep you eating, even when you are full. Consider the potential of this hormone to lead to a major medical breakthrough in weight management. It is one of many other factors that lead to overeating.

Sugar cravings happen for 3 primary reasons:

unstable sugar levels
emotional imbalance
habit

UNSTABLE SUGAR LEVELS

Eating food that is high in sugar and carbohydrates creates a quick, sharp rise in the level of sugar in your bloodstream. Insulin – a hormone secreted by the pancreas – kicks in to control blood sugar levels. As a result, blood sugar levels drop. Then the cravings start and that tiramisu is looking better and better. The sugar/insulin rollercoaster is dangerous. Besides the damage it does to our bodies, it wrecks havoc on mood and energy levels.

EMOTIONAL EATING

Any type of unbalanced emotional state can lead to sugar craving. Stress, anxiety, anger, and sadness can trigger a need of food, for comfort. Sugary desserts produce a serotonin and dopamine rush, neurotransmitters associated with mood-elevation. Feeling unusually happy can also incite cravings. A seriously great mood makes me want to celebrate with my favorite, marshmallows ;).

HABIT

Habit is a big one. If you grew up in a house where every meal ended in dessert, you may have simply developed the habit. Dessert follows dinner, no questions asked. It may be part of a tradition in your culture. This habit is now programmed in your mind.

A habit is still a choice and that choice is yours to make.

WHAT TO DO

The dangers associated with excessive sugar intact are documented facts. Sugar has been well studied. This is not one of those findings you can rationalize by saying “one day they say eggs are good for you, the next day they are bad”. FACT: High sugar is associated with obesity, tooth decay, accelerated aging of the skin, impaired cognition in children, diabetes, cancer, heart disease, depression and dementia. Type II diabetes is an epidemic in the western world.

I am not advocating cutting out all dessert. Stressing out over dessert is also unhealthy. If you need a little something sweet keep it little. A tiny dessert will relieve the craving with way less harm than the big dessert.

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