On the 4th of July Milwaukee is like Pleasantville, USA. This becomes a place where people are “swell and perky.” American flags fly proudly. Kids decorate their bikes in festive red, white and blue. There is a parade with floats, clowns, animals and classic cars. You can win a stuffed animal at the carnival. Roasted sweet corn, snow cones and cotton candy are standard fare, along with plenty of beer.
I love a holiday with no religion.
Family travels in and the walls of our house expand to fit whoever can stand the chaos. My famous American flag cake is expected. I don’t formally invite friends; it’s an open annual event by now. The barbecue grill is fired up for hours. We skip the carnival and the parade and spend the day in the water.
When darkness sets in, we move to the deck, leaning on the railing in anticipation. Local fireworks are launched from a nearby park and we can see them from our backyard. The colors light up the night sky and reflect off the lake. The deep booms and short pops are magnified and echoed in the bowl of the lake. Only after our dog Marley lost her hearing in her later years could she finally relax during the show.
Who can resist the glory of fireworks? Those brilliant, loud, flashes of light mesmerize even the cynics. Scientists say we like them because they scare us. I say they are a part of our collective unconscious. They bring us back to a time we believed in magic. Even when experienced in a group, the experience is paradoxically internal and personal: fireworks stir up a sense of nostalgia, wonder, and possibility.
I’ve (34M) been with my girlfriend (40F) for 3.5 years and very much do still love her. I suffer from severe anxiety and PTSD but have been active in therapy for well over 15 years. My girlfriend suffers from BPD or bipolar (hasn’t been fully diagnosed yet) and unlike myself, is just starting to go through therapy and seeing a psychiatrist as well. I love her to absolute death but she’s become a very difficult person to be in a relationship with and have it not be a miserable ride.
She’ll pin me down for 2+ hours trying to explain and get me to side with some of her destructive relationship behavior. It’s very exhausting and it’s hurting our relationship. I try to give advice, but it usually doesn’t get absorbed or even listened to at all. I don’t look forward to seeing her anymore and I hate that feeling but I’m not sure how or if I can get back to the excitement of being around her again.
What do I do? Establish that we need to take a break? Break up completely? Toughen the heck up and quit being a wuss? I’m at a complete loss because even though we love each other, being her boyfriend while she’s in this state is bringing the most unhappiness I’ve ever felt in my life…
Sincerely, A guy stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Thank you for consulting me. It is always difficult to assess the entire picture when having only one side of the story but I will offer my observations.
I am sincerely happy to hear about your own personal progress with your anxiety. You are clearly invested in treating your illness and realize how valuable it is to stay in therapy. You do not want your illness to prevent you from having a healthy, loving relationship.
If you read your letter to yourself again, you will see that the answers are there. You are clearly in love with this woman. Yet you describe yourself as experiencing “the most unhappiness I’ve ever felt in my life.”
This is understandable. Anyone who has a relationship with someone suffering from bipolar disorder knows the challenges. Your girlfriend is just now starting the healing process. It can take time to reach stability.
In the meantime, you are unhappy and this can impact your own mental stability. Giving the relationship a break may be the way to go for both sides. Your partner needs time to get healthy.
You would not be splitting because she has mental health issues. You would do it because you are miserable right now and appropriately concerned about the future.
After a period apart, you can both reassess how you are feeling. A couples counselor can be helpful particularly when confronting painful emotions – especially when facing the possibility of an end of your relationship.
B12 injections have been popular for decades. This is the most fun part of my job as a writer – I learn new things. While researching for this article, I have learned that I am borderline B12 deficient. Enough about me (more later). Let’s get to the facts.
My eldest daughter and I decided to read a book together, a change from our usual shared series watching. We simultaneously downloaded The Girl Before, by JP Delaney. The reviews say it’s perfect “if you liked Gone Girl”. Oy. It’s so much less about the book than about sharing it with her – makes the 8,843 miles between us seem a bit shorter. If you’re a Gone Girl fan, definitely check it out.
After tasting a Matcha Financier- an indescribably moist cake made with matcha, white chocolate and raspberries from The Bakery in Tel Aviv, I have been obsessing over matcha.
Matcha tea preparation is a central part of tea ceremonies in Japan – I attended one in Kyoto a few years ago. Matcha is powdered green tea, carefully made from shaded, robust whole tea leaves, unlike traditional green tea. It is green tea on steroids – packed with all of the antioxidants in green tea and then some. Today I’m making matcha ice cream, I’ll let you know how that goes.
There are many reasons why someone would want to know about ovulation. These can be women and their partners who are trying to get pregnant, those who are trying to avoid getting pregnant, and anyone who is curious to know more about how women’s bodies work.
Ovulation is when an egg is released from the ovary. This happens every month in women with regular cycles. Ovulation usually happens around day 14 in women with regular 28-day cycles. But it can happen any time between day 11 to 21, day 1 being the first day of the last menstrual period. The egg lives for 12 to 24 hours after leaving the ovary, while sperm are viable for several days. If sperm enters the egg during that “fertile period” pregnancy can happen.
When you ovulate can change from month to month. It is not an exact science. Predicting when ovulation is happening is the basis for Fertility Awareness. Fertility Awareness-based methods are not reliable forms of contraception but may be helpful for women trying to get pregnant.
The body goes through changes during ovulation. Getting to know these changes can help you figure out if you are ovulating.
Basal Body Temperature (BBT)
Prior to ovulation, body temperature falls. After ovulation, a woman’s body temperature rises as a result of an increase in progesterone. Because temperature changes can be influenced by things like stress, illness, poor sleep, inaccurate readings, etc., this alone is not a reliable method to predict ovulation.
Changes in vaginal discharge
During ovulation, the consistency and look of vaginal discharge is noticeably different in most women. Normal discharge is white, cloudy and not stretchy. During ovulation it is more like egg whites – it is clear and when stretched out, it will not break.
Mittelschmerz (German for “middle pain”)
Happens in about 20% of women. There may be a twinge or cramp in one side of the lower abdomen, close to the ovary where the egg is released. If you pay attention to your body mid-cycle, you may feel it. Sometimes it is subtle pain but for some women, it is very painful.
The cervix never lies
“The cervix never lies” is an old medical school phrase. It can tell you a lot! In the case of ovulation, the cervix softens and opens a bit. This may be nature’s way of preparing it for the entrance of sperm. It is closed and more firm at other times. Some women can feel these changes by using their fingers.
Increase in sex drive
Some women notice an increase in their sex drive during ovulation as a result of a surge in hormones. This may be evolution’s way of priming women to feel most aroused when they are most likely to get pregnant.
There are apps, (many apps!) that claim to predict ovulation. Most of these apps are designed for women trying to get pregnant.
I have done some research regarding which apps are most reliable. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recently published a review of cycle-tracking apps and have determined that they cannot 100% accurately predict ovulation. However, ACOG did offer suggestions of apps they comfortably recommend at this time: Clue, Glow, and Pink Pad Period Tracker Pro are the top three.
Understanding the fascinating process of ovulation is essential for all women and their partners. The basis for most contraceptive methods is to stop ovulation – now you know why. Learning when you ovulate is part of knowing and appreciating the female body.