This is Bidet Part 2, a follow-up from the article published April 3, 2020. Read that first. Spoiler alert!

I’m going to talk straight about the bidet. I’m not going to go on about how awesome it is. I’m going to tell you about the process. How my love evolved. Which means we are going to discuss personal hygiene. For mature audiences only.

My Tushy Spa arrived in May in a nondescript flat box. The package chilled in my garage where I quarantine incoming packages. I enlisted my unabashed handyman promising it would be a quick and easy installation. The instructions were straightforward but did not include drilling a hole in the cabinet to access the water source or the need for longer screws (not included) to attach the bidet tightly to the base. All told, about an hour.

When I tried it the first time, cold water sprayed in every direction. I shrieked as the forceful jet of cold water hit me. I needed 2 towels: one for myself and the other to dry the bathroom. It was a mess. I was pissed and used the other bathroom for days.

For the sake of my readers I ventured back in. It wasn’t love at first sight. Before getting near my privates, it made sense that we needed to get to know each other better.

This time, I used a more subtle approach. The sensitivity of the derrière is going to be different for everyone. Sensitivity may change for each individual throughout a single day. By manipulating the bum wash button, there is a perfect angle and level of pressure that suits your particular bum. With the temperature button up to the maximum, the water came out warm and comfortable. Between those two knobs there is a perfect mean.

The bidet can be used in the vulva and vaginal area. Women love it during menstruation as it gently washes away blood and clots. Pregnant women, elderly, people with disabilities, back pain or sciatica who may have difficulty reaching the area can get relief. It can bring comfort to hemorrhoid sufferers and helps relieve constipation.

It makes perfect sense that water should be used to clean a solid substance. The end result of wiping with dry toilet paper doesn’t come close to the cleanliness achieved by water. Because Covid-19 is found in fecal matter, toilets should be flushed immediately.

After the flush, it is time for the bidet. A stream of warm clean water gently massages the tushy and other areas. Residual matter may slough off as well. It simply feels relaxing and comforting. There are many nerve endings in that area, it is a known erogenous zone. It’s a win-win.

Maybe you are one of the lucky ones that have squeaky clean butt after one wipe. My guess is most of us are not. With time, the skin around the anus is thinned out and more wrinkled than a perfect little baby butt. Most people need quite a bit of toilet paper. After spending a few minutes on the bidet, the toilet paper is only for drying. The cleaning was done by the water. Toilet paper needs go way down. The Tushy bidet claims to reduce paper consumption by 75%.

This was not a frivolous purchase. This is a life-changing tool for health and the environment and not some luxury for spoiled Europeans.

Take care down there. No skid marks. Have fun. Conserve energy. Embrace the bidet.