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DISCLOSURES:
I have not tasted this drink.
“It sold out district-wide within hours”, per my drive-thru barista in Middleton, Wisconsin.
I do not own Starbucks stock.
I haven’t had Lucky Charms cereal in 45 years.

I understand the need to be one of the first.

I purchased one of the first mobile phones in Israel, the Motorola Pelephone, which was marketed nearly exclusively to the successful “businessman”.

I stood in line for the first iPhone. 

I had to get the coveted second installment of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo in London before it came out in the States and way before it was in paperback here. 

I find it hard to resist the tech upgrade.

Is it bad that I want a Unicorn Frappuccino? Why does it kind of remind me of my favorite cereal, Lucky Charms? 

The Unicorn Frapp is a whimsical, crazy unhealthy drink that Starbucks marketers brilliantly played. Just knowing it is elusive (available only April 19 – 23) makes it all the more desirable. Ingredient list be damned!

Sure it’s unhealthy but seriously, could anyone actually drink a whole one, let alone two? Don’t you love not having to make any decisions? Sweet or sour? You can have both! Pink or blue? You can have both! Lava lamps remind you of sweaty first sexual encounters as a kid? You can have one and drink it too! And show a pretty picture of it on Instagram! When is the last time you saw pink and blue fairy powders? #magical

It’s a fad, which is by definition intense, particularly when short-lived and without basis in the object’s qualities. Sure we get a surge of dopamine and a sugar rush but it doesn’t last. In fact, after one of these I’d most likely feel like crap. 

The timing is perfect: we have an egomaniac at the helm and there is no harm in some comfort food. 

Well played, Starbucks. But don’t overdo it.