Flipping the Bird

We are nearing the end of summer, although this is not reflected in the temperature in Israel. There is a barely-discernible breeze in the evenings. I have observed a few clouds in the morning. Otherwise, no change – hot, sticky and sad, like the politics.

When was the last time you gave someone the finger? My last time was this morning. While I know it reflects my own immaturity, I could not help myself. A reckless driver nearly hit me in the crosswalk. Twice. Was it more to take out my frustration or to get a rise from him? I am usually able to mitigate frustration by thinking maybe his pregnant wife needs to get to the hospital or he got bad news on a scan or he was just jiving to a happy song.

The gesture of raising the middle finger, is an ancient one. It dates back to antiquity in both Greece and Rome.

The middle finger is considered a phallic symbol to convey aggression, insult and disrespect. While its meaning has evolved over time, it retains its rude and offensive connotation in many cultures today.

This outburst made me pause and reflect. Was it out of character? Who am I at my core? Am I driven by fear or bravery? Am I outgoing or burdened by social anxiety? In the past, we called this an identity crisis.

The way we respond changes. I am more anxious about meeting a friend for coffee than about the looming threat of missiles from Iran. I feel shame about my studenty apartment. Stepping outside feels like preparing for battle—my defenses are up, about to face a dragon.

Illness and crisis can lead to a reexamination of our identity, where the ordinary becomes overwhelming and former fears pale in comparison to new, internal struggles.

Sometimes the hardest battles are not the ones we see coming from the outside. They are the quiet, unseen struggles that rise up inside us—when everything we thought we knew about ourselves begins to unravel. It is in these moments, when our identity feels fragile, that we have to dig deep to find the strength to keep moving forward.

It is not about conquering the big, overwhelming forces out there, but finding the mojo to face the small, everyday challenges that chip away at us. It is about holding and nurturing ourselves as we are reshaped by life’s daily struggles. For me right now this is a need for softness.

While we crave tenderness, there are moments when we are pushed to defend ourselves. If you are going to be reckless and nearly run me over, I won’t hold back—I’ll show my anger and let you know exactly how I feel. In the search for softness, we still need to assert boundaries and express ire when someone oversteps. Softness does not mean passivity; it means protecting oneself when necessary, while still holding space for gentleness.

Here is a fun article on stars giving the finger. They’re just like us!

Let us all be more gentle with ourselves and with each other. Happy healthy New Year to those who celebrate.

Dr. Anna