*this post and this week’s newsletter were written before the holy day of Yom Kippur, 10/5/22*

Last night I dreamed that Mark Ruffalo was cuddled up against me naked, spooning. I’m not sure it was him exactly but it was his type – a crumpled just-got-out-of-bed sexy look. That’s all I remember.

Why has it been so long since I had an erotic dream? Do our dreams change as we age?

Sex dreams are common. According to Psychology and Sexuality, 20% of dreams are erotic in people between ages 16-92.

Our most vivid dreams happen during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep but we dream in non-REM states also. The absolute time spent in REM decreases as we age, therefore decreasing the amount of time dreaming. Older individuals recall dreams less frequently than younger people.

Mine was a pretty standard one – a sexual interaction with a celebrity, someone who is clearly off-limits in the waking world????. Other common sex dreams involve sex with a mystery lover, same-sex coupling, BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism), sex with someone you aren’t attracted to in real life, in public, with an ex, and an inappropriate sexual partner (a teacher, minister).

We dream about 2 hours per night. Whether we see dreams as a key to unconscious desires or not, they are intriguing. When you have one, write it down, immediately upon awakening.

Sex dreams do not suggest dissatisfaction with intimate relationships. They are perfectly normal. In fact, the increase in blood flow during a sexy sleep or nocturnal orgasm is exactly what the aging hormone-depleted body needs.

Through our dreams we are granted a unique gateway to understanding ourselves. Dreaming  is a way for our minds to wander off, without getting us into trouble.

Love this dream scene from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory